.png)
The topic of returning to work often comes up in the online grief groups I’m part of. Many people feel they’re not ready to go back, but their job won’t grant them more time off, which is incredibly frustrating. On the other hand, some are eager to return to work because it helps them avoid fixating on their grief and gets them back into a routine. If that approach works for you, that’s wonderful!
Then there are others who are fortunate enough to take more time off work and feel they truly need it, only to be subtly criticized for doing so. It’s never stated outright, but the message is clear: they’re made to feel weak and pressured to "get over it."
As someone whose job was incredibly supportive during my mom’s cancer and passing, I consider myself very lucky. However, I did receive some judgment from a few people when I mentioned needing more time off (though not from my employer). It was clear they weren’t thrilled that I was able to take that time for myself.
I noticed a significant difference between the people who genuinely believed it would be best for me to return to work and split up my bereavement time, and those who seemed to resent me for being allowed extra time off. The latter often focused on how they didn’t receive any bereavement time and had to return to work the next day, or how they were only given a few days and had to go back. Despite explaining that I needed more time due to the acute grief I was experiencing—along with flashbacks of my mom’s passing and the days leading up to it—it didn’t seem to matter. Because they had to endure minimal to no time to grieve, it felt like I should suffer the same way.
I didn’t listen to them, and I’m so glad I didn’t. When I finally returned to work, I was in a better place emotionally and mentally than I had been before.
Ultimately, if you’re able to take more time off work and feel you need it, I say go for it. Don’t let anyone’s judgment or negative comments sway your decision. You have to do what’s best for you and your grieving process.
-j🌻
(Please note, I’m fully aware of the privilege I had in being able to take more time off. Not everyone has that opportunity, and I don’t take it for granted. I’m incredibly grateful to my employer and boss for their empathy, support, and flexibility during that time.)