.png)
2023
I never really believed in signs or an afterlife before. I saw them as comforting ideas, meant to ease the pain of mourning and offer hope that we’ll be reunited with loved ones after death. While I’m still uncertain about the reality of both, there have been far too many coincidences and synchronicities since my mom’s passing for me to dismiss them or belittle their potential meaning. Even on my toughest days, when sadness, anxiety, or flashbacks take hold, I’ll experience something that feels like a message from my mom, helping to ease the weight of it all. And on the good days, hours, or moments, I’ll still encounter something that feels like it came from her, making me smile or laugh when I least expect it.
One of the first signs I noticed in a repeated pattern was the presence of a beautiful red cardinal. While cardinals are a common symbol for signs, we had never seen them around our house before my mom passed away. This cardinal would appear whenever I sat outside to read and feel closer to my mom. It would stay at a safe distance, watching me for a while. Early in my grief journey, I began to see this cardinal, whom I named "Lowey," whenever I was feeling deeply depressed. Eventually, I started buying cardinal bird food to encourage his visits, and he stuck around, for which I’m truly grateful. Over time, he brought a few friends with him, and now all the male cardinals are named "Lowey," while the female cardinals are affectionately called "Llama Butt" or "LB" for short. This name was lovingly given by my wonderful niece, who drew from the nickname I used for my mom—Mama Llama.
Between the visits from the cardinals, the sightings of gnomes and sunflowers (which I chose to represent happiness, sunshine, my adoption from Ukraine, and the special bond between my mom and me), and a few other "smaller" things, I began to wonder if I could ask my mom for a sign. So, I did. I told her that it could be anything, but I hoped the sign would let me know that she’s doing okay, that she’s happy, and that she’s always with me. That day, nothing happened, and that was completely fine. I had noticed that signs tended to appear when I least expected them, so I knew it was just a matter of time before I would receive something from my mom.
The next day, I had to return an item I’d purchased on Amazon at a local retail store. After the return, I figured it would be fun to check out the fall candles if any had arrived yet. Conveniently, the candle display was near the Amazon return area, which felt like a little treat. As I browsed, I was excited to see that the fall scents were starting to come in (fall is my favorite season). At my exact eye level, I spotted a candle that read "Hello Sunshine," which immediately caught my attention. It was blue (my mom’s favorite color) and had sunflowers all over the outside. I felt drawn to it and thought, “This could be my sign.” I was curious about what it would smell like, expecting something fall-inspired or floral. But when I quickly lowered my mask to sniff the candle, I was stunned—it smelled exactly like a winter candle I had loved the year before, one my mom knew I adored. I thought, “There’s no way,” and flipped the candle over to check the name of the scent. It read, "Let's Get Cozy." That was it! The exact scent I had loved. I couldn’t believe it, especially since the scent didn’t seem to match the design at all. What were the chances that the day after I asked my mom for a sign to let me know she was okay, happy, and always with me, I would receive such a clear and wonderful sign? Naturally, I purchased the candle, and later bought a second one because I didn’t want to burn the original one.
At a later point in my grief journey, I decided to ask my mom for a sign that would be just between the two of us. While I had shared the signs of sunflowers, cardinals, and gnomes with some family members, and I loved that we could bond over those and keep an eye out for them, I wanted something special—something only for me and my mom. So, I made a request, telling her that the sign could appear in any form, especially since it wasn’t something one would typically see in nature or in stores. It would be a symbol of our continued love and connection.
Later that evening, I sat with my dad to watch Family Feud, a show we used to watch together with my mom (and still sometimes do with him). As a question was asked to the family, one of the members gave an answer that was the exact sign I had requested. I was honestly taken aback—it didn’t really make sense as an answer to the question. What were the chances? Then, just a few days later, I saw the sign again, randomly. I haven’t seen it since, but that’s okay. I’ve continued to see some of the other signs, including a funny new one, which brings me comfort.
I’m writing this post because I believe it can offer comfort to others—whether you’re questioning your sanity for repeatedly seeing or hearing certain things, or if you’re uncertain about believing in anything beyond death. I highly recommend staying open to the possibility of receiving signs from passed loved ones. For me, these signs have been comforting, sometimes perfectly timed, and always lovely surprises. They’ve also helped me maintain a strong, vibrant connection with my mom, keeping our relationship alive in a meaningful way.
I also make it a point to thank my mom for the signs I receive. I feel that expressing my gratitude helps her know that she and her efforts are deeply appreciated and continue to be meaningful to me.
If you're interested in exploring more about signs and reading others' experiences, I highly recommend the following book:
-j🌻