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A check-in on my journey with grief and an explanation for the lack of writing entries.

Image Source: Tima Miroshnichenko from Pexels . As the second anniversary of my mom’s passing came and went, I ended the day feeling...

Anniversaries of passing won't bring back loved ones, but they remind us we're one step closer to reunion—reframing sadness with hope.

A grief-related post regarding the second heavenly birthday of my Mom.

Image Source:  Charles Thonney from Pixabay It's hard to believe that tomorrow marks the second Christmas without my Mom. Looking back, I realize I haven't written here in quite some time - almost a year, in fact. I didn’t even write about the one-year anniversary of her passing, as I had planned. Now, as we approach the second anniversary in February, I feel that writing about that day now would somehow miss the depth of the love and pain I experienced. I've been reflecting

Photo from Tofros.com "Is it crazy of me to not delete my Mom's phone number by now?" "My relative is telling me that I shouldn't be messaging my Dad anymore, but I feel like it helps me. What should I do?" "I still pay for my parent's phone, but people are telling me that I'm not moving on with my life. Should I stop paying for it? It's not a cost issue." These are questions I’ve seen asked often in online grief groups. Many people feel pressured to delete their loved one’s

2024 Of all the "firsts" this year, my mom's first heavenly birthday was the hardest for me. I think it hit me so hard because, unlike other milestones like Christmas or birthdays without her, this one was entirely focused on my mom. While I found some comfort in knowing she was celebrating the day with her twin sister, a deep sorrow weighed heavily on me. I had already cried several times before even getting out of bed. Still, I knew I wanted to celebrate her, and thankfully

2024 I decided to wait until after the holidays to share my experience and feelings about my first Christmas without my mom. I also held off because I was dealing with a respiratory issue (which I’m still struggling with), and it served as a distraction from the heavy emotions surrounding the holiday. As a result, I didn’t think much about how I was feeling in the lead-up to Christmas. But before I knew it, Christmas had come and gone, and it still feels as though it never re

2023 I never really believed in signs or an afterlife before. I saw them as comforting ideas, meant to ease the pain of mourning and offer hope that we’ll be reunited with loved ones after death. While I’m still uncertain about the reality of both, there have been far too many coincidences and synchronicities since my mom’s passing for me to dismiss them or belittle their potential meaning. Even on my toughest days, when sadness, anxiety, or flashbacks take hold, I’ll experie

Image Source: Monstera Production from Pexels.com I’ve reached a point where, when I think of my mom, I don’t see her as fully gone at all, and for that, I am truly grateful. However, it wasn’t an easy road to get to this mindset, though I’m surprised it happened sooner than I expected. There’s often a belief that, when someone passes, you should completely move on. If you continue to communicate with them or hold onto them in any way, it’s seen as not fully accepting their p

Image Source: M-Productions on iStock.com Over the past several months, I’ve received a few emails from Ancestry, urging me to renew my membership or promoting deals on their website. When my brother and I first did the Ancestry kits, our main goal was to see if we could connect with any biological relatives, especially our biological parents. As Ancestry grew and added more features, we learned more about our ethnic background. However, we still weren’t able to connect with

Image Source: CandyMafia One of the first public waves of grief I experienced came soon after my mom passed away in February 2023. I was in the middle of a grocery store when I was naturally drawn to a snack on the shelf: Brach's Mellowcreme Pumpkins, one of my mom’s favorites. I immediately thought, Oh, she’s going to love this.  But then, it hit me like a ton of bricks: she was no longer here. I wouldn’t be able to surprise her with treats she loved but rarely bought for he

Image Source: Pexels on Pixabay.com Regret is a common emotion after losing a loved one, especially if you didn’t get the chance to say what you truly wanted before they passed. I’ve read stories of people whose last words to their loved ones were spoken in anger during an argument or who realized too late that their final opportunity to connect was a missed phone call because life got in the way. When that person is gone, the weight of missed opportunities, or the absence of

Image Source: Pexels on Pixabay.com I don’t remember much from my childhood, or even from just five years ago. My memories tend to come in fragments: a few specific events or a vague, generalized feeling that sums up an entire period of my life, usually defined by schools or jobs. What makes my memory even more peculiar is how I often recall things in the third person, as though I’m watching someone else’s life unfold. It’s strange, almost as if those memories don’t truly bel

Image Source: Pexels on Pixabay.com After my mom passed away, I found myself feeling like it was inappropriate to smile or laugh. I kept thinking, How can you feel anything other than sadness right now?  It felt like a betrayal to her memory, not to mention to my own grief, if I wasn’t in a constant state of mourning. Any moment of happiness seemed like I was pretending everything was okay when, deep down, it wasn’t. Then, I remembered a conversation I had with her. One tha

Mr. Milo; 2023 This post is inspired by a personal experience I had recently, and I realize it may not resonate with everyone, and that's okay. To those who have faced the heartbreaking loss of a beloved pet, especially after losing a loved one, my heart goes out to you. I can’t begin to imagine the depth of your pain, but I hope that what I share here offers some comfort, even in a small way. If it doesn’t, please know I understand, and I am truly sorry. Like so many others,

Image Source:  Bella H. on Pixabay.com When we brought my mom and her urn home, I would often wait until late at night to go downstairs and speak to her. I would fight sleep or nearly fall asleep while talking to her. I felt the need to do this privately, when no one was around, because I worried that if others knew, they would think I had "lost it" or hadn’t accepted my mom’s passing. But over time, I learned that this behavior is an example of "continuing bonds." And in rea

Image Source: Nothing Ahead on Pexels I read early on that relationships often change after losing a parent or any loved one. I quickly noticed a sense of clarity about certain situations and found myself lacking the energy for specific people or circumstances. I was also deeply disappointed by some individuals I had expected to support me, as they were barely present or absent altogether. On the other hand, I received incredible support from people I hadn’t anticipated, and

Image Source: Lludmila Chernetska on iStockPhoto Another phrase I often see in online grief forums that can be irritating is "lost the battle." Many people who have lost loved ones to cancer find this phrase upsetting because it implies that their loved one wasn’t strong enough to beat it or that they gave up fighting. Neither of which is typically true. Having lost my mom to cancer, I completely understand why people dislike the phrase "lost the battle." I’m not a fan of it

Image Source: Augustas P on Pexels After the loss of a loved one, it can take time to shift from speaking in the present tense to the past. Sometimes, the present tense slips out, triggering a fresh wave of grief. It can even be embarrassing if someone gives you a concerned look, but please don’t feel embarrassed. In my opinion, there’s no need to change everything to the past tense. There’s no rule that says once someone passes away, you have to alter everything about them