"a check-in"

It has been about eight months since I last wrote here. While I am still active on the Instagram and Facebook pages and share there, I have not opened this blog or added anything, despite the time and holidays that have passed.

Part of the reason is health issues. It's challenging to type after a full shift of typing with bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome. I have also been seeing specialist after specialist for an issue that has plagued me for 2 years and has made it very hard to talk and breathe. Another part of the reason, albeit a more positive one, is that I have also spent a good deal of my free time preparing for my upcoming master's program in social work and participating in events leading up to the first semester. Being accepted into this program was so important to me, and I know my mom would be thrilled and proud. If my health goes the way I would like, I would like to become a grief counselor or work in the field of hospice or grief and loss.

I think, perhaps, the main reason behind the lack of writing here is that I feel like I am overall in a good place, outside of health issues and unrelated issues in my life. I hope that in time, I will have more to write here, especially as I walk further down the path towards my career in social work. 

I know I wrote here previously that things do get better with time, in a way. I still stand by that. I think it is because of my continued bond with my mom that I feel her with me consistently. Of course, I will always miss her and wish she were here with me, but I still feel her here every single day. It's just an overall feeling, though, rather than knowing she is just downstairs or out at a doctor's appointment. I still strive to make her proud and to incorporate her into special days. Now, that's not to say I never get upset anymore. I absolutely do, but I allow myself to fully process what I am feeling. I ultimately end up going back to my baseline, which has become "My mom is always with me."

I figured checking in here would be a good idea, as it also helps map out my own journey in grief. I am sure, in time, and when my hands have fully healed, I will have more to write.

For those who read this blog and miss those they love, keep moving forward. You've got this.

- j🌻